I Fought the Crab and the Crab Won

So, as I sit here typing with one hand I am feeling more than a little defeated. I was given a 'simple' task by my sweetheart to get the meat out of a lobster and crab. Wait, not just a crab, but a giant-bad-ass-crab on steroids. When he mentioned it, I didn't think much of it. So I got them out of the fridge and went to work. Lobster -no problema. Crab...whole nuther ball game. I looked at this massive bright red crustacean and tried and tried to infiltrate the shell. I put that sumbitch into positions rivaled only by yoga instructors and it held fast. Nada. This was not gonna be easy. So, being an educated woman, I did what seemed at the time to be an obvious solution. I went to hunt up a hammer, knife and pliers. (Those of you who know me well can see what's coming next, right?!) I proceded to crack open one of it's creepy giant legs and forked out what seemed to be a pitiful amount of meat. WTF? I carried on, however, ignoring the pieces of meat, shell and crab juice flying hither and yon. I even managed to crack the claws and was more satisfied with the amount of meat. I was starting to wonder if this procedure was worth it! When it came time for the body, I had to cut through a clear, hard boney thing. This was where I decided the knife would be useful. This is where I would be WRONG! As I pushed the knife in and started to fork out the meat, I noticed blood running down my arm. Taking a closer look, I could see the fairly deep cut on my hand just under my index finger. Dang it! So, I had to stop everything and go wash and bandage it.
Just then Martin came home and saw the problem. He ever so jauntily grabbed this horrible crab and just as easy as you please cracked everything else open for me. Show off. I will be making a crab and lobster salad just as soon as the bleeding stops. As he reminded me, I am an island girl now, and that means I must conquer the crab. Next time I am thinking I will just run over the thing with the car.
My next cooking adventure will no doubt be about the whole cow head sitting in the freezer. Yes, you read that right. The whole 'effing thing (which, by the way I refused to carry home on the back of the scooter). The funny thing is, not one person that lives here would have thought twice about seeing such a thing. After all - this is Mexico. I love it. I see grown men carry Hello Kitty backpacks to work and they just don't give a shit who likes it or not. You have to be a REAL man to wear Hello Kitty....

I scream, you scream, we all scream for helado!

One of the best things about living in town back with the locals is the number of street venders that come by. They ride these tricycles (adult size, of course) and sell anything and everything. Each vender has their own unique sound. Some beep a little horn, some holler out the name of what they are selling, and some ring a bell. Well boy howdy it didn't take me long to learn the helado (ice cream) guys sound. I hear him coming a couple blocks away and I come running out to get my treat. He knows my name now (guera, of course) and I get my double coconut and mame (ma may)in a waffle cone. The mame is a red fruit that grows here. I pay him .50 cents and indulge myself.
There are also trucks that come by with the bigs jugs of bottled drinking water and also the guys that sell the canisters of gas for our stoves. The gas trucks play a very loud song over loud speakers so you hear them coming several blocks away. At first I found the song annoying, but now that I am used to it, it is kind of nice. Really, you can be pretty lazy here. Just stay at home and sooner or later someone will come by with something you may need. One afternoon somebody was selling pots and pans. Another day, a guy had a truck full of nice furniture. 350.00 for a leather sofa, love seat, chair and coffee table. It seemed a little to good to be true so I passed. I would not have wanted to get them only to find out they were stuffed with old baby diapers or something!
There is also this cute little old man that walks by a couple times a day with a shopping cart. He has a bad limp and he always looks so hot. He cleans up trash and does yard work for people. I told Martin that I felt so sorry for him and wanted to just give him a little money. Martin explained that I would insult him if I were to do that. He said "he is a man and has chosen to work and not beg for handouts. You must respect him.". Ok. Point taken...but one of these days I just might have to accidentally/on purpose throw some trash out and pay him to help me. I am sure he doesn't know English, so our communication could be interesting. I admire his work ethic and I just want to help him so bad.

The language of love

While I am here I am determined to improve my Spanish so that I am more fluent when I speak. By that, I mean to move beyond what is currently the vocabulary and syntax of a 4 year old child. My boyfriend is bi-lingual while the only "bi" I can really claim right now is bi-polar. :-) He insists that I speak Spanish to him and he tries very hard not to laugh when I say some dumb ass thing. And although he speaks English very well, he fails to get some of the words quite right. My favorite is the word 'fart'. And let me tell you that here in Mexico when you eat beans for so many meals, that word comes in handy. Well - he can not for the very life of him remember that word. He calls it 'flart'. The other day we had a conversation like this:
Him (smiling) "Honey. I think jew flarted"

(I thought he said 'flirted'.)

Me: "What?! When? With who?"

Him: "A second ago, with jew butt"

Me: "I flirted with my butt?!"

Him: "Jes, I heard it"

Me: (cracking up now cause I know what he is trying to say) "You mean farted"

Him: "Jes, jew farted"

Me: "Well, thanks for pointing that out but it was just my wet flip flop squeaking."

Him: (still smiling) "Are jew sure?"

Men...

Feeding sharks, eating venomous fish for lunch, and other shit my mom will not approve of.

Today was a diving day. A fantastic diving day, I might add. We did two reefs that were new to me and that is saying something given the frequency that I dive here. The first place we went was just amazing. It was teeming with coral and marine life. We were the only divers on the reef which was awesome. The dive master (who also happens to be my significant other) killed several lion fish. These fish are quite pretty, but they are not indigenous to this area and as such have no natural predators. The are ravenous eaters and the females have 30,000 babies a week! Since most of where we dive is a marine park, the dive masters are trying to control the invasion which is why they are allowed to kill them. The lion fish have really long spines that they sting the living shit out of you with so you have to be very careful when messing with them.
So we got several huge lion fish about the size of small chickens. We came upon a nice size nurse shark laying under an overhang and decided to give it a snack. It gobbled down two fish! Now the thing is, these fish are delicious to eat. You cut off the spines and the meat is just out of this world. I am NOT a big fish/seafood eater. If it tastes or smells 'fishy' I want nothing to do with it. But lion fish is light and delicious. It reminds me of crappie. I must admit I was a little sad thinking about giving my lunch to the shark but it all turned out ok. On our second dive of the morning we bagged 5 of them that were just as big. We brought those buggers home and fried them right up and ate them with tortillas and refried beans (don't tell me you didn't see that coming).
Now I am nice anf full and ready to take my afternoon siesta in our most comfortable hammock. Life is good!!!

Tarantulas, Scorpions and Fire Ants, Oh My!

Growing up in the midwest, there are certain critters here in Cozumel that take some getting used to. Now, let me say that I am a farm girl. I am not a sissy... BUT I really can't explain the shock I feel every time I look down and see a little scorpion. I have not been bitten yet, but you can bet your last dollar I look in my shoes before putting them on. Actually, it is fortunate that I rarely wear anything but flip flops here!

Now tarantulas are another thing I just don't care for. I don't see them in our house(thank God) but I do see them in the road, or on the outside walls of houses and buildings. They are just huge! And even though they are creepy, they are oddly fascinating to me. When I see one, I often move in for a closer look. I really hope they don't jump because if that happens I will drop dead right then and there of a heart attack! And more than likely they will put the picture of my dead body on the front page of the paper the next day. They have a thing about putting dead people pictures in the paper. The more disgusting, the better. I will never get used to that. Ever. My boyfriend's co-workers like to wave the new morning paper in my face and watch me turn green and run away. It is greatly entertaining for them, apparently.

Fire ants. Not cool. Nothing wakes you up more than standing in a colony of the little #*~@! While flip flops are great for avoiding the bigger creepy crawlies, they are not so much great when standing on fire ants. Just sayin'.

One thing I do like is the lizards here. I love the abundance of iguanas we have. They don't scare me at all. They are so darn cute, and have the prettiest colors. I adore seeing them in the garden, and it cracks me up when they dash across the road. In the US we dodge squirrels. Here, we dodge iguanas.

On Island Time

Hola from the beautiful island of Cozumel, Mexico. I am here for the next couple of months and decided to share my adventures learning about the culture and my attempts to become fluent in Spanish (which includes a lot of butchering this beautiful language). I am sharing a house with my boyfriend of two years (yes,he is Mexican!) but I am not living here in Cozumel full time yet. I am a teacher-librarian in the states so this is my summer break.

Even though I have spent lots of time here in Cozumel, I am always learning something new about the fascinating culture. I have grown accustomed, for the most part, to how things are done here. However, I think my friends and family the states might get a kick out of the things I experience.

When I first arrive every summer, the biggest adjustment I must make as a spoiled American is getting used to no air conditioning. It takes me about 3 days to stop sweating copious amounts. We could get an air conditioner, of course, but the electricity would be cost prohibitive. We have discussed getting a small split unit and just running it a couple hours before bed. Luckily, the nights cool down a lot and with a few fans I do ok.

The next biggest adjustment is not putting toilet paper in the toilet. It goes in the trash. The septic systems here can't handle paper. Hard to get used to, but I always manage.

So I have been here for a week already. I went Scuba diving a couple of days and the rest of my time has been busy getting settled in. Somehow, time always speeds up
when I am here. The days really get away from me!